DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH COMES AND GOES - BUT IN THE MEANTIME, YOU MUST CONTINUE TO BLOOM!!!
My name is NicHole Martin, and on October 19th 2011, I had an emergency brain surgery. Via CAT Scan a mass was identified at the lower rear left side of my brain; it was pressing against a main artery. For many months I experienced an unsteady gait, occasional vision and hearing problems but ignored the signs.
Now here’s the kicker, several months before this finding, the ex spouse brutally landed several punches to the back of my head. During those horrifying moments that seemed endless, I thought I was going to lose my life right then and there on my bedroom floor that afternoon.
As each of his punches connected with the back of my head, my body grew weaker and weaker. But out of nowhere came this sudden surge. I took one deep breath and called out to my oldest child. I held on to life!
Did I visit the emergency room immediately following that beating although my head was in excruciating pain and visibly swollen? No, and why not? Because once again, I was too embarrassed to discuss my situation that transpired between myself and this 2003 South American absconder whose only goal was to gain legal status in the U.S.; the individual moved swiftly.
The Dangers Of Marrying An Immigrant Who Overstays Their Terms
Don't totally rely on the system to find out who the individual you're courting truly is. Do your own research! For I was told by an immigration agent & local law enforcement, "He is one of the many who has slipped through the cracks." They're right about that - at some point during the marriage, I overheard him telling another how he got away in Florida via a Greyhound bus after his unsuccessful participation at the Pan American box off in La Paz, Mexico.
If only I had found that international news link on his unlawful act before saying, "I do".
I should have known he was up to no good after this masked ones comment, "Stricter the government - wiser the population". Some 2 ½ - 3 years later came this unscrupulous remark, "Having kids here just make things easier for me." And his ultimate inhumane spew came just weeks after my surgery, "The doctors didn't dig deep enough".
I'm Just Glad I Don't Look Like What I've Been Through
My Purpose
Do I speak of my unpleasant occurrences today? Yes, because there's nothing embarrassing about having life! Second chances aren't always granted, and I am not ashamed of who I was; I'm proud of who I've become! My aim is to encourage others to EXIT an abusive relationship ASAP because behind closed doors should only be an entry to serenity!
Sadly, many have become a statistic by reason of domestic violence; As for me, I may have been damaged goods who had to learn how to do everything all over again. Nevertheless, I am healed. I am here in the land of the living and I tell my own story - Pain to Purpose!
After hearing my story, many have said, “Wow! You’re a strong woman” or “That’s a miracle”... I know, it is God!”
Just so you're aware, Nichole means "VICTORY" Victory of the People
Grey clouds bring rain, and at times a downpour can cause one to feel gloomy. On occasion, a colorful arc appears, and there is light.
Rainbows are lively and bring elation which is what my angel, my neurosurgeon, Dr. Elizabeth M. Trinidad brought to my family and I on
October 19th 2011.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlH5ktAgAgU
HAPPY PURPLE DAY!
10/19/18 - HAPPY PURPLE DAY!
10/19/17 - Still I Rise!
10/19/14 - I live VICTORIOUSLY because of Him, let's celebrate life! HPD!
10/19/13 - The Lord kept me. I am to rejoice & be glad in it!
I've always liked purple & I now know why - Happy Purple Day!
(Each Time God Spares The Life Of A Woman He Gives The World A Queen)
OCTOBER IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS
MONTH PURPLE ALL THE WAY, BABY!
(Octobers’ will come & go, but every month I will raise awareness)
Smilesforthefuture1 is a domestic violence site of Suffolk County Long Island, New York that was launched in Oct. 2012.
Mission Statement
Smilesforthefuture1 was created to encourage women to walk away from their abusers without thinking of turning back because life is to be enjoyed.
My testimony & novel (Venomous Minds 5: Nothing But The Truth) are the tools I use to urge those who are involved in an abusive relationship to leave after they've recognized the signs. Memories of domestic violence should not keep anyone from reaching their goals!
I can't save them all, but if I can save (1), then my purpose has been justified!
My inactivity will not destroy me - I share my gift... The gift of Life!
Now when the Father does call me home I want Him to say, 'Job well done'.
Shake yourself loose! Live your life and not someone else's!
Create a circle
of individuals
that will feed
your soul with
encouragement,
& LAUGH...
It's good
for the spirit!
Below are a few organizations you may find helpful:
Brighter Tomorrows - https://brightertomorrowsinc.org/
VIBS - http://www.vibs.org/counseling-services/
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence - http://www.ncadv.org/
Hospitals are safe havens as well - save important numbers as speed dial. 911 is quicker to dial than any other number. Should you own a vehicle, always try to keep your gas tank 1/2 full. IJS
There are many phases of domestic violence. In my opinion, they develop in this sequence:
~ captured
~ honeymoon & convincing (LOVE BOMBING)
~ tension building & often feuding
~ verbal and/or physical threats
~ spiritual abuse
~ financial abuse
~ fearful & confused
~ fight or flee
Usually by the time the victim has entered the fearful & confused phase, the abuser has already strategically alienated his/her partner from their family, friends, colleagues etc. Their frequent spontaneous actions are too a sign that they're 'special'. The type of special you absolutely want NO parts of.
Making Your Exit
Leaving your partner is risky which is why you need to cross all your T's and dot all your I's when planning your exit - be several steps ahead of the perpetrator. Also, you may want to consider not letting anyone in on your plan, you never know who you could be sharing your departure with.
Protect Your Pet
The torturing and maiming of animals (smaller ones especially) is another sign your partner is abusive. Should that additional family member show signs of fear or aggression - chances are they're being abused too.
Marital Rape
Many children have been conceived via marital rape and many women don't report the criminal act(s) of their partner to the authorities. Why not? Usually it's because they are ashamed of what has happened to them.
Shake yourself loose, live YOUR life and not someone else's!
I didn't shake myself loose soon enough and as a result, our second child was conceived after he forcefully held me to the floor, tightly gripped my neck while ripping away my undergarment.
There are statute of limitations - when you notify the authorities and I'm assuming you will, do not leave out any details and follow through with the report(s). Keeping your mouth shut will only protect the abuser - your silence can stun you in the long run.
Simply put, try not to connect the (+) with the (-).
Therefore, you’ll have less shocking occurrences in life!
You Don't Have To Learn The Hard Way Like I Did
Apologies
After that smack - he will apologize. After that kick - he will apologize. After spitting in your face - he will apologize. After that punch - he will apologize. 99.99% of the time, an abuser will repeat his violent actions then pretend to humble himself and attempt to smooth things out with an apology which is sometimes accompanied with an expensive/attractive gift - don't feed into it!
It's not love. It's manipulation - an abuser's chief tactic.
Below Is The Last Apology The Ex Delivered Which I Did Not Accept - Click The Link To Listen
http://www.smilesforthefuture1.com/resources/E.W.%20begging%20VM.mp3
Translation:
Caller/Ex-spouse: [(He states our daughter’s name) your voice sound so nice on the message. Umm - Nikki could you please give me a call when you get this message – Please? Umm, I leave two message on your umm, your phone. I ain't know if you receive it or not, but can you please give me a call. My battery almost die. Umm, I gonna see if I could buy a charger (he pauses for a few seconds) … To make a long story short man, forgive me man for all the wrong things that I have done man. If I could come and stay in the garage until I catch up myself, I’m freezin’ out here man – alright. Please?]
SO MANY HAVE BEEN VIOLENTLY BEATEN AND/OR KILLED & VERY LITTLE IS BEING DONE.
I STRIVE TO MAKE THIS CHANGE.
IT SHOULDN'T TAKE A CATASTROPHE TO REALIZE THAT WE'VE AN INCREASING
PROBLEM - WORLDWIDE!
WE'VE LAWS ON GUN CONTROL, BIRTH CONTROL, DRINKING & DRIVING. WE THE PEOPLE,
HAVE TO DEMAND
STIFFER PENALTIES ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (SILENT KILLER) BECAUSE
THE PERPETRATORS... THEY LAUGH AT
THE RESTRAINING ORDERS.
WITHOUT A DOUBT - THEY DEFINITELY HAVE SOME MENTAL ISSUES WHICH NEED TO BE
ADDRESSED.
AN IN DEPTH PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT PLACE TO BEGIN!
SAVING THE LIFE OF ANOTHER IS A MORAL
OBLIGATION!
I can't do it alone which is why I'm asking you to help me save others
Spread the Word!
Unfortunately, deaths have to happen before legislators act... the question is
How Many?
The journey may seem long & fuzzy, but in the end there is light. Prepare yourself for the CELEBRATION!
'Venomous Minds 5 - Nothing But The Truth' was created in honor of (D)omestic (V)iolence survivors and those who have perished as a result of this WORLDWIDE annihilator, silent killer.
My story continues but this cycle must end - Together, let's end Domestic Violence!
